ACE tribute From Gabe Eggers, Alex’s Brother

Something happens when someone dies unexpectedly… and alone.

There are always questions. There’s always mystery.

And there’s a part of me that keeps trying to understand the how and the why.

 But in the middle of that…there’s also this opportunity…

to remember.

 To re-member him.

To put the pieces of who he was back together in a way that can be carried forward.

 I’ve been doing that a lot lately. Putting together the story of my brother…so I can remember it…

and so I can share it with my son. Looking through his work…

the art he created…

the music he made…

the lyrics he wrote…

 And I keep coming back to the same realization:

 My brother was Rad!

He was a Righteous Renegade…with a styled soul staccato

and if he had a motto, it probably would have been:

 “I’ll do it my way.”

 We probably all have a story that exemplifies this, here’s one…When he was 15, we were on a group trip to Peru—multiple families, lots of us there—and he and Shannon Peterson were the youngest boys.At one point… they disappeared into Cuzco.

Just off exploring. On their own. And when they finally made it back they had both gotten tattoos.

 Alex got the Chinese symbol for Valor on the back of his neck.

That’s how he did it.

 Not cautiously.

Not halfway.

 Fully.

On his own terms.

 His way.

 ⸻

 He didn’t fit into boxes.

 And honestly…

I don’t think he ever felt like the world really saw his value.

 But the truth is…

he didn’t just live outside the box—

 He built his own.

 A beautiful veneer exterior…

sometimes filled with things he didn’t share…

a kind of altar…a sanctuary within his own skin.

A master craftsman of magic and misery 

⸻ 

A few months ago, Alex sent me his music.

 And I’ll be honest…

I didn’t really give it the time it deserved.

 Now…

I listen to his songs every day.

 Listening for him.

Listening for the pieces I missed.

Listening for those moments of magic that were always there.

 And I wish I had listened sooner.

 I’m sorry, Alex.

 I’m sorry I didn’t see how hard you were trying…how much you were expressing…

how much of yourself you were putting into the world. 

⸻ 

Life wasn’t easy for him. There was pressure.

The pressure to perform…to survive…to make it work…

to be seen.

 And that pressure…

it’s real.

 It’s the kind of pressure that can make life feel like a constant survival dance. Trying to make ends meet.

Trying to hold it together. Trying to keep going in a world that doesn’t always know how to receive you.

 ⸻

 But even in that…

 He created.

 He wrote.

He built.

He expressed.

He was a word wizard…

a wood welder…

someone who could take raw material—whether it was language or life—and shape it into something meaningful.

 ⸻ 

We all weave in and out of each other’s lives and in some ways, I believe that each encounter has inevitable impact, like ripples from a single drop. Synchronicity seems to shape the question of whether life is written or writing itself. 

As many of you know, my mom and my sister  created a daily quote calendar called Lifelines.

It’s something from our family that I have lived by every day.

 Alex chose his birthday quote:

 “One must have chaos within oneself to give birth to a dancing star.”

 Alex had that chaos.

 And he was that dancing star. 

⸻

Synchronicity chose the quote for today: 

“A possibility was born the day you were born, and it will live as long as you live.”

 That possibility didn’t die with him.

 It lives on in everything he created.

It lives on in the people he touched.

It lives on in us. 

The synchronicity is These quotes mirror each other in the calendar just like the front and back of the hand can’t be separated. Unplanned and realized in retrospect, the way much of learning reveals itself. 

⸻ 

I’ve also had to look at myself through all of this.

 As his older brother…I see ways I showed up…and ways I didn’t.

 Ways I influenced him…and ways I wish I had done better.

 And that’s a hard thing to hold.

 But it’s also part of loving someone honestly.

 ⸻ 

What I keep coming back to is this:

 Through everything…through the pressure, through the chaos, through the struggle to be seen—

 He was here to do it his way! 

He lived fiercely 

He created magic 

He mattered to us all! 

 And maybe more than anything…he was expressing something the whole time.

 Something we’re only now learning how to hear.

 ⸻ 

So I want to end with his words. Because his lyrics say it better than I ever could.

 ⸻

  (His Lyrics)

If I had a million dollars I would spend it on my friends

Invest in their progression so we can be successful men

Perfecting vibes, affecting lives while lifting up the bar

We can’t help it we’ve been dealt this hand, man it’s just who we are.

 So raise a glass, shake that ass, a toast to living life

We’ve only got a single shot so point it at the skies

 Throw it back, drink it in.

Embrace the taste don’t ever waste

The gifts you hold inside

 So when it’s all said and done and I proceed to take my final breath

My bones will know the path I chose required higher steps

 It broke my back but exposed the fact I know I did my best.

Guided by the rhythm that I hold within my chest.

 So stay on your grind until you’ve turned a mountain into dust.

 If you’re doing what you want then you can never do enough.

 For the time has come For everyone To finally give a f@#k.

 Because this world is full of people

that are down to lift it up.

 ⸻

 I love you, brother.